For no raisin

A list of known planets and their attributes...

Amazonia: is a planet covered in rain forests and lakes. It is inhabited by giant man-hating women, ruled by a femputer who is really a fembot. 

Amphibos 9: is a hot and steamy swamp planet. It is inhabited by Amphibosians.

Byoria 6: home of the Quantum Lichen people.

Chapek 9: is a small, featureless planet colonized 600 years ago by robots who hate humans. The surface of Chapek 9 is extremely barren with a few species of plants being the only native and organic lifeforms. The atmosphere of Chapek 9 is extremely thin, enough to see stars during the day.

Decapod 10: is an Earth-like planet covered in sandy islands and oceans. It is the home of the Decapodians, a lobster-like species of alien.

 Earth: is the homeworld of the humans and is a major planet in DOOP. It is extremely technologically advanced and has millions of native animals. Earth is mostly covered in some form of water, with continents and islands making up the rest of the surface.

Fedex 8: homeworld of the Upsilons.

Jupiter: a gas giant located in the solar system.

Klingon: has an embassy on Earth.

Mars: Mostly made up of farmland owned by the Wong family also home to the famous Mars University.

Neptune: location of Santa’s ice fortress.

Omega 3: is a desert planet where last tapes of Star Trek were kept, along with the crew. It is the homeworld of Melllvar, his parents and possibly more of his species.

Pandora: is a stereoscopic 3-D planet.

Spa 5: where visitors do forced labour, recommended by Dr Zoidberg.

Thuban 9: is the ninth planet of the Thuban star. It's inhabited by the Thubanians and the Chicken-Salmon. Long ago, life there was ideal for cats.

Venus: Home to the Venusians. Its surface has apparently been developed to support wildlife, and may contain gardens.
  

Some weekend listening

For no raisin

While we try to block the triumph of meat-headed provincial fascism in Britain you never know we might not win and may have to flee for our lives. Here are some names you could use for your fake passport, you never know, they might work:

Dr Jordan Edilstein
Professor Baxter
Krispy Kreme McDonalds
Kevin Bacon
Horse Renoir
Predator
Chilly
Cousin Phil
Parker Peters
Laura Vanderbooben
Luke Fondleberg
Scotch Bingington
Sholanda Dykes
Mr Mustachos
Warren Beanstalk
Ricky Spanish

Actually existing songs

Actually existing songs available as sheet music in the British Library:

Ball Tossing
Both Old Men or Young
Fair Cloris in a Pigsty Lay
Fixed in His Everlasting Seat
Galloping Dick
A Handy Little Thing to Have About You
I'll Place it in the Hands of My Solicitor
I'm a Very Potent Queen
I Smote Him on the Boko with My Whangee
A Lap Full of Nuts
A Large Cold Bottle and a Small Hot Bird
Miniwanka
Open Thy Lattice Darling
Say Mama, If He Pops Shall I Send Him to You?
They've All Got Sticky Backs
You Do Keep Popping In and Out

David Bowie enjoys a good list too

This is, apparently, the flowchart of David Bowie’s most recent album, The Next Day. Enjoy:

Effigies
Indulgences
Anarchist
Violence
Chthonic
Intimidation
Vampyric
Pantheon
Succubus
Hostage
Transference
Identity
Mauer
Interface
Flitting
Isolation
Revenge
Osmosis
Crusade
Tyrant
Domination
Indifference
Miasma
Pressgang
Displaced
Flight
Resettlement
Funereal
Glide
Trace
Balkan
Burial
Reverse
Manipulate
Origin
Text
Traitor
Urban
Comeuppance
Tragic
Nerve
Mystification

In other news, the fantastic blog Pushing Ahead of the Dame has just reached the end of another epic chapter, Bowie song-by-song 1992-1995, which included the great lost and found avant-album Leon, from which this indescribable song comes.

For no raisin

French words or phrases in English that either mean nothing or something different in French... you heard me...

Agent provocateur
Apres ski
Bete noire
Cause celebre
Cri de coeur
Demimonde
Double entendre
Encore
Fin de siecle
Homage
In Lieu
Marquee
Negligee
Outre
Portmanteau
Reprise
Seance
Vignette

For No Raisin

For no raisin

For no raisin

Except we haven't had a good list in a while. Here is a sample of German words borrowed/adapted into English. Like most lists they fall apart somewhere around Q or at the latest X.

Abseil
Alphorn
Ansatz
Biergarten
Bratwurst
Blitzkrieg
Crumhorn
Diktat
Dachshund
Delicatessen
Doppelganger
Eisbrecher
Eidelweiss
Frankfurter
Flak
Flugelhorn
Gesundheit
Gestalt
Glockenspiel
Hamburger
Handstand
Inselberg
Jugendstil
Kaffeeklatch
Kaput
Kitsch
Kindergarten
Katzenjammer
Lager
Lebensraum
Leitmotif
Muesli
Mitteleuropa
Noodle
Nein
Neanderthal
Nazi
Oktoberfest
Putsch
Pretzel
Poltergeist
Quartz
Rinderpest
Rucksack
Rottweiler
Sprechensang
Schadenfreude
Strudel
Stein
Spritzer
Takt
Urtext
Unheimlich
Uber
Volkswagen
Wiener
Wanderlust
Wunderkind
Zugzwang
Zweiback

Lists from history

Historical Haemorrhoid Sufferers
Alexander the Great
T.S. Eliot
Viv Richards
Marylin Monroe
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Socrates
Nero
Napoleon
Gerard Manley Hopkins
Martin Luther

Historical Druggies (and their drugs)
Admiral Nelson - opium
Lord Liverpool - ether
Tsar Nicholas the 2nd - hallucinogens, cocaine and opium
Winston Churchill - barbiturates
Anthony Eden - amphetamines
Richard Nixon - amphetamines
Leonid Brezhnev - sleeping pills

Historical Phobics (and their phobias)
Nicolae Ceausescu - bacillophobia, fear of germs
Sigmund Freud - siderodromophobia, fear of trains
Samuel Johnson - lyssophobia, fear of insanity
Maximillian Robespierre - haemophobia, fear of blood
Robert Schumann - metallophobia, fear of metal

Satellite Eye...

This month's ESA/NASA satellite images.

For No Raisin

It was put up on the Graun a few weeks ago, but here's some of the best of Strange Maps.


London Underground extended across the globe.

The Moon coloured according to the age of its rocks.

Actually existing lyrics

Some of which may have been sung by Wrong Lyrics Christina.

Cut my life into pizza/This is my plastic fork

It's not fair to deny me/The crosseyed bear that you gave to me

I love rock and roll/So smoke another dime with 2Pac's baby

This ain't a sea/It's a god damn arse face 

Let's pee in the corner/Let's pee in the spotlight

The shoes on my feet/Alf Garnett

Hold me closer/Tony Danza

The ants are my friends/They're blowing in the wind

You're gonna have to face it/You're a dick in a glove

We gotta hold on to what we got/It doesn't make a difference if we're naked or not

Scuse me while I kiss this guy

She's got a chicken to ride

Out on the windy/windy moor/sweet Roland rolled in brie

Must be talking to a ninja

Scare a moose/Scare a moose/Will you do the fandango

Beelezbub has a devil for a sideboard

This is the dawning of the age of aquariums

Holding back the ears

Bunny's too tight to mention

I left my brains down in Africa

Midnight after your wasted/Take a camel to bed

Israeli men/Hallelujah

Here we are now/In containers

Lists - Phil Space etc...

A list... for no raisin... yeah, we get it, no raisin, but here the are the best American Dad headlines:

Democratic Party Missing: Feared Dead

Stuff Happens As Wave of Ambiguity Spreads

Optimist Drowns in Half-Full Tub

Economy Turns Corner, Falls Down Stairs

Missing Twins Found in Gingerbread House

Bush Finally Gets Joke About Last Name

Big Bird Dead Of Big Avian Flu

Bush Appoints Stephen King As Ambassador To Terror

Tantric Sex Conference Ends Prematurely

Confused Iranian President Denies Hollow Crust Pizza

Rob Schneider, Dead at 62

Zach Braff mania sweeps Zach Braff's Apartment

Bush to Voters: "Votes for Dems Kills Angels!"

Dems Take House, Republicans Get Record Collection

Rumsfeld steps down... on puppy's head

Turkey Uprising Fails!EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! Santa exits sleigh, flashes crotch

It's 2007...still no flying cars

Airlines to Screen Emotional Baggage

Plane delayed as Mrs. Plane finishes getting ready

Popeye insists: "Olive Oil Aint No Virgin"

Paper Mill To Town: "You smell weird."

Uncle Insists: "Creepy is the new quirky"

Car radio turned up as girls approach

Son Regrets Teaching Dad How to Text Message

Bear Market Suggests Investing In Salmon

Optimistic Nerd's Glasses Half On

Man Tries Sushi For The First Time: "It's Okay."

For no raisin

As we know TV is an accurate measure of the downward spiral of civilisation, and we are still braced for Monkey Tennis small screen debut (note: It didn't strike me when I first thought about it but Gordon Ramsay has actually brought Cooking In Prison to TV). In that spirit, brace yourself for:

Drunk Horseracing 

It's an Atos Knockout (1st prize - 8 weeks unpaid labour in Poundland) 

Don't Tell The Relatives (stupid men handpicked by BBC3 are given a funeral parlour to run)

Don't Tell The Owners (ditto, but for a dog walking service) 

Don't Tell The Regulatory Authorities (the same, but for banks) 

Whatever Happened to Dad's Army? 

Tightly Scripted American Comedy Import About Twenty-Somethings With Snappy Comebacks (on E4 because there's just not enough) 

Celebrity CAT Scan 

Celebrity Dogging 

Celebrity Exhumations 

Pimp My Wheelie Bin 

Muslamic Eye for the Racist Guy 

Ku Klux Makeover 

EDL Cribs 

Brass Eye - the musical 

Respect MPs Say the Funniest Things 

Republicans vs Science

For no raisin

Here's Troy McLure's resume:

Regular Movies

• The Boatjacking of Supership '79

• Calling All Quakers (with Dolores Montenegro)

• Christmas Ape

• Christmas Ape Goes To Summer Camp

• The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel

• Cry Yuma

• David versus Super Goliath

• Dial M for Murderousness

• The Electric Gigolo

• The Erotic Adventures of Hercules 

• Give My Remains to Broadway

• Gladys the Groovy Mule

• Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great 'Frisco Freak-Out'

• The Greatest Story Ever Hulaed

• Here Comes the Coast Guard

• Hitler Doesn't Live Here Anymore

• Hydro, the Man With the Hydraulic Arms

• Leper in the Backfield

• Make-Out King of Montana 

• Meet Joe Blow

• The Muppets Go Medieval

• "P" is for Psycho

• Preacher With a Shovel (with Dolores Montenegro)

• The President's Neck is Missing

• The Revenge of Abe Lincoln

• The Seven-Year Old Bitch

• Sorry, Wrong Closet

• Suddenly Last Supper

• They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall

• Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die

• The Verdict Was Mail Fraud

• The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the West 

• Jagged Attraction

• Look Who's Still Oinking

Educational films and self help videos

• 60 Minutes of Car Crash Victims

• Adjusting Your Self-O-Stat (with Brad Goodman)

• Alice's Adventure through the Windshield Glass

• Alice Doesn't Live Any More

• Birds: Our Fine Feathered Colleagues

• The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot

• Designated Drivers: The Lifesaving Nerds

• Dig Your Own Grave and Save

• Earwigs, Ew!

• Firecrackers: The Silent Killer

• Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-Know-What

• Get Confident, Stupid!

• The Half-Assed Approach to Foundation Repair

• Here Comes the Metric System

• Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly

• Locker Room Towel Fights: The Blinding of Larry Driscoll

• Man Versus Nature: The Road To Victory

• Meat and You – Partners in Freedom (a Meat Council film, part of the "Resistance is Useless" series)

• Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?  

• Mothballing Your Battleship

• Phony Tornado Alerts Reduce Readiness

• Shoplifters BEWARE

• Smoke Yourself Thin

• Someone's in the Kitchen with DNA!

• Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun

• Young Jebediah Springfield

• Welcome to Springfield Airport

• Where's Nordstrom? Whoa! Don't Touch Me There!

Television - TV specials

• Alien Nose Job

• Carnival of the Stars

• Five Fabulous Weeks of The Chevy Chase Show

• Let's Save Tony Orlando's House

• Out With Gout '88

• The Miss American Girl Pageant

• The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular

• The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase

TV series 

• AfterMannix 

• America's Funniest Tornadoes

• Buck Henderson, Union Buster

• Handel with Kare

• I Can't Believe They Invented It!

• Shortland Street 

• Son of Sanford and Son

• Troy and Company's Summertime Smile Factory

Cartoons

• Christmas Ape

• Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp

Other - Celebrity funerals

• Herschel Shmoikel Krustofsky, aka Krusty the Clown

• André the Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye

• Shemp Howard: Today We Mourn A Stooge

Musicals

• Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off!

Satellite Eye...

40 years of Landsat in pictures. My favourite picture, the desert in Peru with the Nazca Lines.

For anybody who cares

The blog-subtitle poll was going very well. The votes were coming in thick and fast (really?) when, all of a sudden TtSD was overruled by the EU, World Bank and IMF. They insisted the subtitle be "Angela Merkel". But we said no, we will stand by democracy, we will have the people's subtitle, and that subtitle is:

You read it, you can't unread it...

Which is true, when you think about it.

Down with this sort of thing...

New slogan

I decided to leave the slogan/tag line section with something I like (we, especially back when this was a genuine team blog, used to change tag lines all the time). Now, FOR NO RAISIN, I've decided to have a poll to decide the next tag line. It's your decision... unless your decision is wrong.