Help for Lazy TV Executives

After the success of Sky TV's On the Couch with Peter Crouch, TV execs are doubtless looking for follow-up. Based on this winning formula, we've come up with a number of ideas, all as groundbreaking as the original. Ta for all contributions.

On the Toilet with Junior Hoilett
At the Sink with Jan Venegoor of Hesselink
In the Shed with Jonathan Stead
In the Bath with Steve and Garth - presented by the Spurs early 80's strike partnership of Archibald and Crooks
In the Bracken with Gordon Strachan - where the former Scotland international takes us on his favourite hillside walks
In the Shower with Lee Power
Under the Stairs with Stephen Pears
In the Cellar with Kasey Keller
On a Scooter with Batistuta
On a Ferry with Chris Perry
On the Telly with Stephen Kelly
On the Piss with Matt Le Tiss
On a Plough with Ken Monkou
On a Cycle with Peter Schmeichel
On a Bus with Steve Anthrobus
In the Car with Van der Sar
On the Train with James McLean
At the Door with Agbonlahor
Playing Jenga with Arsene Wenger
After Dark with Ji-Sung Park
By the Fire with Kieron Dyer
On the Floor with Darren Moore
On the Pier with Peter Fear
On the Stretcher with Gary Taylor-Fletcher
Out to Play with Emenike
In a Ditch with Mark Bosnich
Buying Knickers with Steve Vickers
Growing old with Steve Bould
On the Loo with Alan Pardew
Talking Crap with Harry Redknapp
On the Roof with El Hadji Diouf
Playing Sudoku with Efan Ekoku
Walking the Dales with Barry Hayles
At the Bar with Grobelaar
On a Ranch with Michael Branch
Down a Hole with Ashley Cole
In the Park with Ciaran Clark
Being Chucked off a Ferry with John Terry
Through the Void with Walter Boyd
At the Fridge with Wayne Bridge
Up the Chimney with Emmanuel Omoyimni
On the Stair with Frank Sinclair
At the Fair with Brian McClair'
At a party with Christian Abbiati
Swapping Paninis with Paolo Maldini
In the car with Niko Kranjcar (mispronunciation but whatever)
Having a Pee with AVB
Under the Sink with Nigel Spink
On the go with Tore Andre Flo
Listening to Geese Honk with Steed Malbranque
Getting Blotto with Assou-Ekotto
Home Alone with Huddlestone
Out the back with Rodney Jack
Building a fort with Carl Cort
In the Study with John Ruddy
In a Van with Sylvain Distin
In the Bin with Cliff Bastin
Talking Shite with Ian Wright
Acting crazy with Linda Buthelezi
Being a Pest with Taribo West
Art Nouveau with Celestine Babayaro
Ringing a Bell with John Obi Mikel
Down a shot with Joleon Lescott
Having a Piss with Filip Kiss
At the Deli with Balotelli
Having a Ramble with Frazer Campbell
Having a Wank with Hasselbaink
Fly Away with John O'Shea
Getting Hyper with Matt Piper
Lighting a Firecracker with Per Mertesacker
Riding a Pony with Benito Carbone
Smoking a Bong with Sebastien Bassong
Eating Linguine with Perpetuini
Sorting Files with Dean Shiels
Raking Leaves with Jimmy Greaves
Fitting a Bolt with Grant Holt
Having a Tinker with Regi Blinker
Moving on a Bosman with Leon Osman
Growing Barley with Hossam Ghaly
Playing Pool with Younes Kaboul
Drinking Cocoa with Ibrahima Bakayoko
Going loco with Tonton Zola Moukoko
Fleeing Sharks with John Harkes
In a Cab with Phil Babb
On the Hunt with Kenny Lunt
Playing Snooker with Corluka
On the Bed with Pavel Nedved
Wearing a Sou'wester with Iniesta
Doing the Haka with Kaka
Eating an Aero with Sergio Aguero
In the Sky with former Brazil captain Rai
Underwater with Gary Porter
Lighting a Fart with Joe Hart
By the sea with Robert Lee
On the Phone with Steven Stone
In the Yard with Steven Gerrard
Visit Kent with Darren Bent
The Valley of Rhondda with Pascal Chimbonda
In some Pain with Harry Kane
On the Dole with Andy Cole
Covered in Fluff with Damien Duff
Going to the Doctor with Michael Proctor
Learning to Sail with Gareth Bale
Meeting a Farmer with Carlton Palmer
Things that are Scary with Paul Stalteri
Wearing Bling with Ledley King
Using a Dagger with Daniel Agger
By the Side with Brian McBride
Telling Fibs with Kieron Gibbs
Looking at Venus with Jermaine Jenas
Eating a Bhaji with Gheorghe Hagi
Behind Bars with Overmars
Seaman's Seamen
In a Barrel with Andy Carroll
At the Bar with Stephen Carr
Over-eager with Christian Ziege
Threading a Needle with Brad Friedel
Up a Cliff with Peter Shirtliff
In a Lorry with Peter Storrie
Telling a Story with James McGrory
Using a Breville with Philip Neville
Rearing Pigs with Ryan Giggs
The Norman Conquest, with Norman Conquest
Picking up Sticks with Julian Dicks
Spinning Yarns with John Barnes
Talking Twaddle with Glenn Hoddle
On the Roster with Rui Costa
Make a Wish with Mark Fish
In a Box with Ruel Fox
In the Sewer with Iffy Onuoha
Using a Shaver with Lucas Leiva
Wearing a Bowler with Gianfranco Zola
Eating Mayo with di Matteo
In Rio with Dominic Matteo
Using a Welder with Glenn Helder
Justin Edinburgh's Justin Ed-inbred, where the former Spurs donkey meets families who are very inbred, but just in Edinburgh
Cooking Pork with John Wark
On the Bog with Ugo Ehiogu
Having a Feed with Andy Reid
Keeping a Turtle with Martin Skrtel
Cooking Mutton with Chris Sutton
Art Attack with Pogrebnyak

And finally... not a footballer, but another great idea:

In the Garage with Nigel Farage - note - will only be acceptable if said garage is filling with exhaust fumes

Gramsci Funk Railroad paved the way for Jefferson Ayerplane, which cleared the way for Jefferson Stalin. The stage was now set for the Alan Parsons Proudhon, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft.

Here it is then - the much hyped second album.

Writing credits to Roobin, The Doc of Rock, Ian, Ru, Steve Bandiera Rossa and Ted Splitter. And without further Badiou:

C.L.R. James - Sit Down
Ricoeur Deep, Montaigne High
Girls go Crazy About a Sartre Dressed Man...
Jinul's Addiction - Standing in the Schoppenhauer, thinking
The Hippias Hippias Shake
Holding out for a Hereclitus
Total Eclipse of the Hardt
How much is that Dogen Zenji in the window?
Gettier Kicks on Route 66
I'm too Zizek-xy
Seize the Descartes
Rickert don't lose that number
Jared Diamonds are Forever
M'Adorno - Bordieuline
Quine - The Descartes of our Leibniz
AudioSlavoj - Some Descartes
One Quine Descartes
Descartes & Confucius
Led Zep - Whole Aliotta Love
Mr Bungle - Carry Stress in the Giordano Bruno
Holding out for a Zeno
Zeno Boys - Lenin in the 80s
Village Peguy - Lenin the Navy
Wings - Mull of Alasdair MacIntyre
Spinoza in the sky
Bee Gees - Jive Dawkins
Visage - Fade to Grayling
The Old Grayling Whistle Test
Top of the Popper
Cheggers Plato Popper
The Buzzcomte
Later with Jools Hölderlin
Rob Zombie - De Man-oid PhenomZeno-n
Rob Zombie - Jesus Wittgenstein
Wittgenstein Drag Quines from Planet Therborn
Ayerosmith - Walk this Weber
Electric Wittgenstein
Bob Dylan - Rabelais, Lady, Lay
Zhu Xi Quatro - Lacan the Can
Barry Fanonlow - Kant Smile Without Lao Tzu
Dire Strasser - Romero & Juliet
Frege Chance on Me
Michael Jackson - Schiller
Frege Nother Little Piece of my Hardt
Psycho Schiller
Schiller Quine
Bodycount of St Germain - Cop Schiller
Snoop Dogg - Serial Schiller
George Michael - I want your Sextus Empiricus
The Schillers - When Hume were Jung
The Shillers & Lao Tzu Reed - Tranquileibniz
Let's Talk About Sextus Empiricus
I'm too Sextus Empiricus
Mao-er to the Peguy
Mao-er to the Pieper
Wings - Windelband on the run
Earth, Windelband and Feuerbach
Therborn in the USA
Therborn of a Broken De Man
Therborn to be Wilde
Therborn to Run
Run to the Mills
"Adorno no Adorno no no there's no Leibniz"
Captain BeefHardt and the Magic Windelband
The Sartrelites - Confucius
Tony Cliff Richard - Bachelard Boy
Wilde Thing (Hume make my Hardt Sing-er)
KC & The Sun Tzu Windelband
Metallica - Enter Windelband Man
XTC - Making Plans for Nagel
XTC - Bacon Plans for Nagel
Alexei Sayle - Hello John of Mirecourt Got a New Motor
Russel-ton John Locke - Don't go Bacon my Hardt
Husserl-ton John Stuart Mill
The Sugar Mill Gang
The Frege Mill Gang
Gol-De Man Looking Chain
Mumford & Sun Tzu
Vam-Pyrrho Weekend
The Age of Aquinas (let the Sun Tzu in)
Mr Bungle - Pyrrho-sel
Simon le Beauvoir
South of the Bordieu
StairWeber to Bevan
Dawkins Heads
Guns n' Rousseau - Double Dawkins Jive
Red Hot Chili Popper - By the Weber
Buber Furry Animals - Carry Lacan
Anything Hume Camus, Lacan do Derrida
Lacan you feel it?
Mao Mao Mao - I want Lacan-dy
Lacan Hume feel the Love Tonight?
Platoto's Republica
Maoby - Plato
Mr Bungle - Girls of Therborn
Credence ClearWalter Benjamin Revival
CreDennett ClearWalter Benjamin Revival
Ayerosmith - Living on the Edgar Allan Poe
Ayerosmith - Love in an Ele-Voltaire
Blue De Man Group
Mr Bungle - And None of Them Flew They Were Robespierre
Humetown Rats
Hume Hume Mao
Che Gue-Vera Lynn(ch) - We'll Meet Aga Khan II
System of a Down - Pyrrho, Schiller, Cocaine, Crazy
Shiny Happy Pieper
The Village Pieper
M Pieper
M Peguy
Billie Pieper
Mao-er to the Pieper
Common Pieper
Prodigy - Voodoo Pieper
Depeche Mode - Pieper are Peguy
Purple Pieper Eater
Don't Fear the Pieper
Sly & The Family Stone - Everyday Pieper
RATM - Pieper of the Sun Tzu
The Doors - Pieper are Strange
Peguy are Strange
JamiroQuine - Pieper Underground
Halloween - Pieper of the Seven Keys
Chris Cornell - The Pieper
This Charming De Man
Buber Furry Animals - Zizek, (Thomas) More and Robespierre
Mr Bungle - Love is a Fichte
Florence & The Malthus - Kiss with a Fichte
Smooth Crimi-Malthus
Thomas Malt-Kyuss
Half De Man Half Bishop Berkeley - All I want for Erasmus is a Duk-Lacan a-Weber
Derrida Escape Plan
John Locke Hates Jazz
Florence & The Malthus- Hume got the Love
John Stuart Mill Hates Jazz
The Malthus Bentham-ily
LeninterPol Pot
Dame Vera Stalin
Muse - Dead Stalin
Rob Zombie - De Man Speeding
Mazzy Stalin
Stalinsailor
Five Stalin
Stalin Vocal Rand
Stalind
Earth, Windelband and Feuerbach - Shining Stalin
When Hume wish upon a Stalin
Good Morning Stalin
Video Killed the Radio Stalin
Catch a Falling Stalin
Nietzsche (Intelligent) Falling Stalin
Cypress Mill - (Bloch) SuperStalin
Cypress Mill - (Napier) SuperStalin
The Stalin Spangled Banner
The Stalin Spangled Fanon
NickelBacon - I Wanna Be a Rock Stalin
Rolling Mary Woolstonecrafts - Stalin Fucker
Twinkle Twinkle Little Stalin
Blur - Strange News from Another Stalin
Oasis - Bloch & Roll Stalin
Ziggy Stalin
Crosby, Mill and Nash (and Jung)
Jesus Christ, SuperStalin
C.L.R. James - She's a Stalin
Quine Inch Nails - Stalin Fuckers Inc.
The Kinks - Everybody's a Stalin
DogStalin
Yoko O-Noam Chomsky
John Lenin
George Aristotle-son
Paul Mackie-ney
Ringo Stalin
Bukharin-go Stalin
Sonny & Chairman Mao
Sun Tzu & Chairman Mao
Revolution Quine
Street Pieper Social Buber
A-Korn-o - Freak on a Nietzsche
Popper Roach
Living in a Marcuse
Living in an Althusser
Hoxha Rule
John Stuart Milli Vanilli
Babylon Zhu Xi - Space De Man
Nietzsche Boys - Fichte for Your Right to Sartre
Ho Chi Minh-go Stalin
A-Korn-o - Zizek on a Nietzsche
A-Korn-o - Proudhon a Nietzsche
Ayerosmith - Proudhon Looks Like a Lady
Hey Proudh(on)
Kasabian - I'm Proudhon Feuerbach
"I Pink, therefore I Wham"
"I Kinks, therefore I Wham"
"I Fink, therefore I Wham"
Gogol Bordieu
Ayerosmith - Q.U.I.N.E.
Confucius B.I.G.
Suzanne Frege - My Noam Chomsky is Lukacs
Flew Flew Dolls
The Flew - Same Jeans-Jacques Rousseau
The Fall - I am Confucius Oranj
The Enemy - A-Weber from Hereclitus
Enya - Sail a-Weber
Guns n' Rousseau - Sweet Child of Quine
Kasabian - Philosoraptor
Fats Domi-Noam Chomsky
Feuerbach in the USSR
Feuerbach in Bloch
We Didn't Start the Feuerbach
Ain't No Houllebecq Girl
The Bee Jesus
I Wanna Sextus Empiricus Hume Up
Metallica - Enter Saneatsu Mushanokōji
Ronnie James Diogenes of Sinope
‎"My Millkshake brings all the Baudrillard and they're Leibniz better than yours, damn Liebniz better than yours, I could Nietzsche but I'll have to Chaerephon"
Parminedes at Work
"Girl, i wanna take you to a Peter Gay Thales"
Voltaire Supply
Something in the Voltaire Tonight
Sometimes, all I need is Voltaire that I Breathe
Voltaire-osmith
Thales Paul
Karma ChameLeon Trotsky
Peter Gay Dad
Ray Charles Taylor
Dewey will Rock Hume
Donna Haddaway
The Talking Alfred North Whiteheads
Schweitzer Zombie
Schweitzer Wedding
The Epicurus Shake
Cypress Mill - I Want to get Hayek
Afro De Man - Because I got Hayek
Galileo Sayer
Lao Tzu is Mao?
Money's too Tight to Mencius
Plutarch-ade Feuerbach
Mencius at Work
Motor-Alfred North Whitehead
HawkWindelband
The Derrida Escape Blanchot
Sweet Boehme-labama
Swing Out Cicero
Ronnie James Dionysus
Garbage - When I Grosseteste Up
The Lucretius of Love
The Brand Newton Heavies
Billy Joel - Newton Girl
Huey Lewis & The Newton
Ricardo Astley
Ricardo Zoroastra
Linton Kwesi Johnson - Fichte Democritus Bakunin
Zoroastra of Puppets
...and Hume will know us by the trail of Derrida
Shiny Epicurus Pieper
The Epi-Cure-us - Sleep When I'm Derrida
The Epi-Cure-us - Boys don't Hereclitus
Cyrano de Berger-rock
Fantomas - Night Goethe
Modest Mao
The Ani-Malthus
Hume-y and the Blow-Fichte
Reel Big Fichte
Eagles of Death Malthus
Quine-osaur Jr
Pe-Guillemots
Peguy Sue
Peguy Zhu Xi
I'm Dreaming of a Schweitzer Erasmus
Primal Scream - Hayek than the Sun Tzu
Lenin Kravitz
Peguy Lao Tzu
Epicurus Mondays
Dolly Proudhon
Just Lao Tzu of Malthus
Lionel Fichte - Plato, is it me you're Lukacs Foucault?
Stevie Won-Derrida
Russell-vis Presley - The Won-Derrida of Hume
Lao Tzu Drunk to Foucault
Dead Kenne-Derrida - Nazi Punks Foucault
Dead Kenne-Descartes
One Quine Descartes
The Hume - Deng Xiaoping-ball Wizard
Highway to Hegel
Hayek to Hegel
Shed Seven Sages of the Bamboo Groove Armada
Shed Seven Sages of the Bam-Boomtown Rats Groove Armada
Shed Seven Sages of the Bam-Boom Boom Pow Groove Armada
Lucretius in the Sky (with Jared Diamond)
Liu Ling in the Sky (with Jared Diamond)
Dirty Deeds Zhi Dun Cheap
Beatles - I am Confucius
Cicero of a Down - Hobbes Zhu Xi
Cicero of a Deng Xiaoping
Russell-CD Sound Cicero
Shakespeare's Cicero
Cicero of Mercy
Guns n' Rousseau - Right Next Door to Hegel
Guns n' Rousseau - Welcome to the Gu Zhun-gle
Mr Gu Zhun-gle
Confu-Kyuss
Hume2 guitarist: The Edgar Allan Poe
Blur - Bug De Man
Madness - John Gray Day
De Man-ness - Grayling Day
Quine - Schoppenhauer must go on
Michael Jaspers - Badiou
Michael Jaspers - Lao Tzu Badiou
Icicle Works - Love Comes in Different Kollontai
Alice Kuhn-per - Rawl's out for Summer
Michael Jaspers - Badiou is it?
Michael Jaspers - Hume is it?
The Ruts - Babylon's Bernstein
Rob Zombie - Jaspers Wittgenstein
The Charlatans - Just when you're Fichte things over
Adam & The Ants - Burke Wears White Sox
Suede - The Anselm World
Pink Feuerbach - Another Crick in the Rawls
The Soft Boys - Quine of Eyes
Mercury Rev - You're my Quine
Faith no (G.E.) Moore - Epic(urus)
Bloch Grape
Collapsed Lung - Eat my Zola
Manic Street Pre-Chairman Mao - I'm not Dworkin
Dworkin in a Coal Quine
Teardrop Explodes - Treason (it's just a Rorty)
Manic Street Pre-Chairman Mao - Therborn a Girl
Manic Street Pre-Chairman Mao - Therborn to End
China Crisis - Bloch De Man Ray
Mencius Street Pre-Chairman Mao - Of Dworkin Abortion
Mencius Street Pre-Chairman Mao - Love's Sweet Existentialism
Adverts - Debord Teenagers
Mencius Street Pre-Chairman Mao - So Derrida
Colourfield - Fichte of Hume
Mencius Street Pre-Chairman Mao - Epicurus
Mencius Street Pre-Chairman Mao - Ready for Darwin
Darwin the Jungle
Darwin the Ghetto
The Marx Voltaire
Bruce Springsteen Hume-an Touch
Faith no (Thomas) More - Falling to Peguy
REM - What's the Frege-ncy, Kenneth?
Red Hot Chili Popper - Give it A-Weber
Buber Massive Bloch Hole
Buber Furry Animals - Northern Leibniz
10cc:DreadLocke Halliday - I don't Like Critchley, I Liebknicht
Buber Furry Animals - The Very Best of Jared Diamond
Buber Furry Animals - Weber do Hume want to Goethe?
Justin Buber
Where do Hume Goethe my lovely?
If Hume Goethe go, go Mao
Justin Pieper
What does Hume want to make those eyes at me for? (when they don't mean that he's Frege)
The Goethe! Team
If Hume Liebknicht now, Hume take a-Weber the biggest Sartre me
Jaspers 5 - If'n I was Goethe
Jaspers 5 - If'n I was Gottlob Frege
Aquinas the Stone Age - Sartre up your Fichte
Quines of the Stone Age - Erasmus Voltaire-is
The (E)Rasmus
Zhu Xi Quatro - Kafka-n the Can
The Jam - Sartre! It's not important to know my name/though I do know yours
Bryan Adam Smith - Kant stop this thing we've Sartre-d
Count of St Germain Crows
Kate Bush - Babbageke
Husserl-ton John (Stuart Mill) - Kafka-n Hume Feel the Love Tonight?
Russell-ton John (Locke) - Lacan Hume Feel the Love Tonight?
Ultravox - Love's Great Bonaventure
Zhu Xi Quatro - Lacan the Kant
The Commodores - Frege Times a Lady
Secret Chiefs Frege
Buber Hume Kant Drive my Carlyle
Hume Sweet Hume
The Bluebells - Jung at Hardt
Trad arr Bob Dylan - Jung but daily Growin'
LeAnn Rimes - Cheng Hao Do I Live Without You
The soundtrack to Jung Wittgenstein
Cohen loco down in Acapulco
Muse - Citi-Zeno Erasmus
Therborn under a Badiou sign
I like Driving in my Carlyle
Smokie - Living Next Door to Alasdair MacIntyre
Credennett ClearWalter Benjamin Revival - Badiou Moon Rising
RATM - MacIntyre Me
Tina Turner/Creedence et al - Proudhon Mary (Woolstonecraft)
The Frege Wheelin' Bob Dy-Lacan
Mud - Tiger Laffitte
Muse - Sing for Abso-Lukacs
"Took my Chevy to the Lévi-Strauss but the Lévi-Strauss was dry"
T-Rex - Therborn to Boogie
Mach the Knife
Muse - Butterflies and Aristotle's cane
Blue Piaget Way
Buber Furry AniMalthus - Liebknicht-y Belle
The Clash - I'm so Rorty with the USA
Demis Rousseau
Jared Diamond - Sweet Caro-Leibniz
Travelling Mill-Burys - De Man-dle with Chairman Mao
Travelling Mill-Burys - Tweeter and the Monkey De Man
C.L.R. James - I Know What I'm Hereclitus For
Ayerosmith - Falling in Love (is hard on the Nietzsche)
I've got Hume under my Skinner
Morcheeba - Sartre the Process
Prodigy - No Goethe (Sartre the Dance)
Ayerosmith - Toys in the Attlee
Alysha's Attlee
Bevan must be missing an Engels
I Found Bevan- sample lyric: 'I thought I found Locke, with somebody else's girl...'
John Lenin - I'm Althusser-ing Hume
Bee Jesus - For Hume the Bell Tolstoy
Bee Jesus - Hume Win Again
Bee Jesus - Staying a-Leibniz
Saturday Night Weber
Bee Jesus - Liebknicht Weber
Bee Jesus - Mao Deep is Your Love
Bee Jesus - Jive Dworkin
Love is here and Mao you're gone
Quine Jung Fanonbals/Husserl-vis Presley - Confucius Minds
Steely Dan Dennett - Bloch Calvin
Steely Dan Dennett - Bloch Mao
Steely Dan Dennett - Reelin' in the Greers
Tears for Greers
Reelin' in the Hereclitus
Greers for Hereclitus
FastBalzac - The Weber
Nirvana - Something in the Weber
Toto-mas More
Totodorov
Tominaga Nakamototo
The Hume - Tominaga Nakamoto
Francisco de Totoledo
John Totoland
Alexis-Charles-Henri Clérel de Totocqueville
Buber Furry Ani-Malthus - O-Hayek Heat
Buber Furry Ani-Malthus - (Dworkin) Rings around Husserl
Buber Furry Ani-Malthus - (S)Hume Doris Derrida
Russell & The Gang
Ca Plane Pour Moi - Plastic Bertrand Russell
Therborn-ing Down the Mao-s
Stand by your De Man
Specials - Locke it to 'em JB
Bloch it to 'em JB
Gimme Gimme Gimme (De Man after Midnight)
ABBA - Fanondo
The Epi-Cure-us - Plato for Today
Hardtbreak Hotel
The Beat - Kant get used to Losing Hume
Meat Loaf - Sun Tzu out of Zhu Xi ain't Badiou
Jailhouse Locke
Jail-Mao's Bloch
The Clash - Rebel Walzer
Jail-Mao's Socrates
Donna Summer - Hobbes Stuff
Donna Summer - Trot Stuff
Russell-vis Presley - Return to Sen-Derrida
Viva Las Wittgenstein
Habermas-es Against the Classes
Habermas-ter of Puppets
Halliday in the Sun Tzu
Buber Habermas-ive Bloch Hole
Summer Halliday
M'Adorno - Halliday
Kate Bush - Running Up That Hilferding
M'Adorno - Like a Serge-in
Habermas-ive Attack
M'Adorno - Like Weber
Depeche Mode - Paine that I'm used Lao Tzu
Maga-Zinn - Oakeshott By Both Sides
Dworkin Heads - Planck Hume for Sending me an Engels
Offspring - Original Planckster
The Mao's That Jean-Jacques Rousseau Built
Planck Turner
Planck Za-Popper
The Shamen Move Any Montesquieu
The Sha-Mencius - Ebe-Nietzsche Goode
Radiohead - The Benthams
Hartley Rhythm Ace
Radiohead - Paranoid Anselm
Paranoid Andronicus of Rhodes
Muse - Space De Man-tia
Negris with Attitude - Fukuyama tha Police
Buber Furry Ani-Malthus - De Man don't give a Fukuyama
My Bloody Valentine - No More Thoreau
Hume-an League - Sound of the Kropotkin
Russell-vis Costello - Everyday I Write The Bookchin
Cicero of a Down - Hume!
Cicero of a Down - Tok-Cicero
Stanglers - No (Thomas) More Hereclitus
Tom Robinson - Up Against the Wallerstein
Pink Floyd - Another Crick in the Wallerstein
Quine - We are the Zhang-Zai-ons
Stone Rousseau - Rawls Gold
Simon & Garve-Funkel
Tenacious D - Frankfurt School Of Bloch
Bloch Sabbath - Children of the Garve
Confucius D
Mary Woolstonecraft Rousseau - Zhu Xi Bangs the Drums
Dr Wham-uel Johnson
The Clash - London (Stuart) Hall-ing
The Clash - Rousseau Kant Fail
Porno for Pythagoras
Adorno for Pythagoras
Parminedes like Sun Tzu Dworkin
Badiou Drawn Boy
The Al-chemides-ist
ProTototagoras
Trot Chocolate
Kasabian - Fast Marcuse
Rolling Mary Woolstonecraft - (I can't get Noam Chomsky) Sartre's faction
Hume Kant always get what Hume want (but if Hume try sometimes, Hume just might find, Hume get Parminedes)
Ayerosmith - Bloch in a Hardt Place
Ayerosmith - Bakunin the Saddle
Ayerosmith - Same old Song and Dan Dennett
Ayerosmith - Big Zen Inch Rene Descartes
Ayerosmith - Monkey on my Bakunin
Ayerosmith - (C)Hippias the Mary Woolstonecraft
Ayerosmith - Done With Mir Damad
Ayn Rand of Horses - The End's Not Greer
Mir Damad-ness
Windelband of Horses - The End's Not Mir Damad
Mir Damad in the BathHume
Michael Jaspers - De Man in the Mir Damad
The Mir Damadamned
Stalinship - Weber this City on Locke and Rawls
I Love Locke and Rawls (so put another Dime in the Hume Block Buber)
The Epi-Cure-us - The Love Kafka-ts
Michael Jaspers - Dan Dennett Gerous
Michael Jaspers - Lenin the Closet
Michael Jaspers - Hume is it?
Michael Jaspers - Wanna Bukharin Somethin'
Ho Chi Minh the Jungle
Ho Chi Minh the Ghetto
Ho Chi Minh the Plato
Ho Chi Minh the Ghu Zhun-gle
Lenin the Ghu Zhun-gle
Chaka Democritus & Plato - Socrates me Buber
Alice Kuhn-per - Feed my Wittgenstein
Georg Lukacs and Ira Gersch-Windelband
I'm Comte-ing up so you'd better get this party Sartre
Therborn-mower Deth
Guns n' Rousseau - The Perfect Maimonedes
INXS - Maimonedes Hume Tonight
INXS - Nietzsche Tonight
ZiZek Top - Maimonedes Hume Tonight
Zhu Xi Top - I Nietzsche Tonight
Heideggadeth
HeideggaDennett
We Didn't Sartre the Feuerbach
Proudhon-gy - Feuerbach Sartre
Simply Red - Something got me Sartre
A-Korn-o - Sartre Over
Trot Chocolate - It Sartre'd with a Kim
Quine Inch Nails - "Hume bring me closer to Gottlob Frege"
Hume Lao Tzu - Sun Tzu Bloch-dy Sun Tzu
Sun Tzu-Zanne Frege
A-Mencius Sevenfold
A-Mencius Bevanfold
A-Mencius Bevanfold - Nietzsche and the Hartley (Nietzsche Schelling place for De Man's)
Faith no (Thomas) More - King Faraday, Fool for a Leibniz
John Locke, We Hartley Flew ye
A-Mencius Bevanfold - NightMary Woolstonecraft
Quine - We Will Locke Hume
Quine - We Will Bloch Hume
A-Mencius Bevanfold - Buried A-Leibniz
John Locke, We Hartley Newton ye
A-Mencius Bevanfold - Little Rees of Lacan
Million Derrida
Miliband Derrida
Faith No (Thomas) More - The Jean-Jacques Rousseau Sartre Making Ene-Mencius
Platoto - Kafka
Chemi-Calvin Brothers - It Began in Kafka
S-Leibniz & The Fa-Mill-y Mary Woolstonecraft - Kafka Talks to Hume
mill.i.am
(Everything Badiou) Badiou it for Hume
Depeche Mode - Personal Jaspers
The Jaspers and Mary Woolstonecraft Chain
Jaspers Priest
Ricardo Cheese
The Jaspers and Mary Woolstonecraft Chairman Mao
Me-Derrida - Enter Windelband De Man (Exit Leibniz, enter Liebknicht. Take my Rand. Off to Weber-Windelband)
M'Adorno - Take a Bauer
Jarvis Cocker - Heavy Weber
Crowded Mao-s - Weber with Hume
Stereo-Fanon - Just Locke-in
Pulp - I Spinoza
Suede - So Jung
The Smiths - The Boy with Therborn in his Side
The Smiths - Stop Frege if Hume think you've heard Therborn before
David Bowie - Time will Rawls
Bloch Lace - Ag-Badiou

HIDDEN BONUS TRACK:

Hey Boy, Hegel. Buberstar DJs. Ayer We Go!

So, here you Ayer. The ultimate list of music/philosopher crossover puns. Thanks go to Roobin, Ted Splitter, Ian, The Bunk, Julie, Ru, Paul, Steve Bandiera Rossa and the Doc of Rock for all their assistance.

Most notable about this experience was the discovery I made about Rage Against the Machine's song Wake Up. Most presume it to be about the bullshit the American ruling class feeds to its citizens.

It's not though. On closer inspection, the lyrics reveal a cautionary tale about what would have happened to logical positivists in Ancient Greece:

Fisting the Ayer in the Land of Hippocrates

Anyway, without any further Adorno, here is the list:

Kierkegaarda da Vida
Kant Get Hume Out of my Head
Bob Marley - Lenin'
Marx of the Beast
Chemical Brothers - Heidegger your own Hole
The (Hei)Diggers
Bentham Folds Five
Anything you Camus, I Camus Better
Stone Roses - I Wanna be Adorno
Beck - "I'm Althusser baby, so why don't you kill me?"
Beck - "I'm Marcuse baby, so why don't you kill me?"
Wings - Ayn Rand on the Run
New Kids on the Bloch
New Kids on the Locke
Aristotle Belafonte
Jonny Lukacs - A Boy Named Sun Tzu
De Man Who Sold the World
Travis - De Man Hume
De Man Don't Give a Foucault
Paul Descartes-ney
Umberto Eco and the Bunnymen
Sometimes, all I need is the Ayer that I breathe
Mao Mao Mao - I Want Ghandi
Sergeant Popper's Lonely Hearts Club Ayn Rand
Babybird - You're Gorgias
Jethro Tull - Aquinaslung
Hobbes Will Eat Itself
Popper Will Eat Itself
Kate Bush - Running up that Hilbert
Electric Six - Danger, High Voltaire
Puff Daddy and the Family - It's all About the Walter Benjamins
Man Smart (Woman Sartre)
Stylistics - Hume Make Me Feel Brand New
You Spinoza Me Right Round
Heaven Must be Missing an Engels
Rammwittgenstein
Only the Good Die Jung
Colour Me Badd - I Wanna Zizek You Up
Queen - Fat Alain de Bottoned Girls
The Brummie tribute to Freddy Mercury - Quine
Van Halen - Hot for Nietzsche
Specials - Too Much Too Jung
Berkeley Dutchie on the Left Hand Side
Singing in the Paine
Skunk Anansie - Schelling Jesus
Rolling Stones - Sartre me Up
Bob Dylan - A Baudrillard Rain's Gonna Fall
Bon Jovi - Therborn to Be My Baby
The Big Popper
Xenophonboy 3
Darwin-er Takes it all
Judas Priestley
Great Balls of Feuerbach
Bakunin Black
Sex Pistols - Fichte in the Rigging
Kisses Sweeter than Quine
Gramsci we Love You
Dazed and Confucius
The Killers - Somebody Ptolemy
Lukacs us if you Kant
Disposable Heroes of Hippocrates
Bakhtin the USSR
Backhtin Black
Bakunin the USSR
Derri(da) Cross the Mersey
I Kant Help Falling in Love with Hume
Do the Barthes Man
Do the Bart De Man
The Bauer of Love
St Francis of A-CSS
The Grave Heideggers
Before you Marcuse Me
Back in Max Black
Live and Let Leibniz
Kung Fu Fichte
Popper Don't Preach
Christina Aguilera - Nasty Rorty Boy
The Weber Necessities
Rousseauing the Seeds of Love
Heider, Better, Faster, Longer
The Sartre of Noise
Material Hegel
Black Hole Sun Tzu
Umberto Echobelly
Four Franz Fanon Blondes
Machiavelli Furtado who wrote 'The Modern Artist Formerly Known as Prince'
Peabo Bergson
Martin Luther Vandross
Smoke over Walter Benjamin
Leibniz-erachi
Achy Breaky Eckhart
Chas & Dave - Gurdjieff
Zhu Xi in the Sky (with Diamonds)
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Lake and Palmer
Platoto
Luigi Ferry 'cross the Mersey
Level 42 - Lessings in Love
Todd Rundgren's Utopia - Love is the Anselm
Bacon Chance on Me
Aretha Franklin - Fink
Dirty Deeds Duns Scotus Cheap
Durkheim is Running Out
Primal Scream - Kill all Hippias
Knockin' on Heaven's Dawkins
Johnathon King's A Hundred Ton and Lebfevre
Dizzee Pascal
Plug in Buber
Buber one More Time
Hey Big Spengler
Locke of the Bay
Bloch of the Bay
Mary Woolstonekraftwerk
Ain't Nothin' Going on but Hannah Arendt
Muse - Russell Museum
De Do Do Do Derrida Da
Don't go Breaking my Hardt
Negris with Attitude
Derrida Soul
De Man la Soul
Frank Za-Popper
The Mamas and The Poppers
Lenin on a Lamppost
Bat out of Hegel
Ain't no Montaigne High Enough, Ain't Novalis Low Enough
The Hume-an League
Kant Smile Without Hume
Bentham Rhythm Ace
Comte as You Are
Gerry Rafferty - Frege Street
Reverend and the Freges
Everything But Husserl
The Holloway is Up
Plastic Bertrand Russell
Parliament - Aquinas Boogie
Popper's Got a Brand New Bag
White Zombie - More Hume-an than Hume-an
John Lucas in the Sky (with diamonds)
Lukacs in the Sky (with Jared Diamond)
A Hardt Day's Night
A Hardt Rain's Gonna Fall
Yellow Submarendt
David ibn Merwan al-Mukammas You Are
The Wonder of Flew
Lenin the Ghetto
I Gramsci Clearly Now (the rain has gone)
Johnny Cash - A Boy Named Pseudo-Dionysius the Areopagite
George and Ira Gershwin - Descartes Take That Away From Me
Porno for Pyrrhos
All Arendt the World
Chris Harmanfred Mann
Rock Arendt the Clock
Kings of Leon Trotsky
Russell-CD Soundsystem
Duran Durandus of Saint-Pourçain
Guns n' Rousseau
Velvet Revoltaire
Ernst Bloch Party
Rival Schools - Marcused for Glue
Huxley Rhythm Ace
All Arendt My Hat
Jacob Boehmean Rhapsody
Half Man Half Bishop Berkeley
Travelling Mill-burys
Iron Maiden - Rand to the Hills
Weather Girls - It's Raining Parmenides
Money's Too Tight To Mencius
Van McCoy & The Soul City Symphony - Do the Husserl
Earth, Wind and Feuerbach
For Hume the Bell Tolls
Alanis Morisette - Jagged Little Mill
Shiny Happy Peguy
Wittgenstein Young Cannibals
Fine Jung Cannibals
Dead Singer for Love
StereoFanon
Red Hot Chilli Popper
Salt n Popper
The Mamas and the Popper
Bacon Blue
REM - Imitation of Leibniz
Something in the Ayer Tonight
De Manfred Mann
Marina and the Jared Diamond
Boulevard of Bacon Dreams
Lenin the Jungle
Wittgenstein on the Beach
Let's talk about Zizek
Foucault the Police (by Negris with Attitude)
My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Baudrillard (and they're Leibniz better than yours)
Schoppenhauer Soon Is Now?
Nietzsche Tonight
The Lost Sartre of Keeping a Secret (by the Quines of the Stone Age)
or by: Aquinas the Stone Age
GramsciMaster Flash & The Furious Five
Je t'Adorno
Dennett Doherty
Sham 69 - Hurry up Aristotle
Gorillaz - Dirty Aristotle
Aerosmith - Just Push Plato
Killer Quine
The Clash - What's my Noam Chomsky?
Husker Du - Zinn Arcade
Quine Latifah
Dancing Quine
Jam - English Rosa Luxemburg
Guns n' Rosa Luxemburg
The Stone Rosa Luxemburg
Gogol Baudrillard
The Damned - Nietzsche Nietzsche Nietzsche
Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Wollstonecraft
Talk Talk - Life's What You Machiavelli It
Talking Heads - Once in a Leibniz
Mao, That's What I Call Music
Al-Thomas More-isette
How Soon is Mao?
Thomas More-issey
Muse - Take a Mao
If you don't know me by Mao
Mao that's the way, uh huh uh huh, I Leibniz, uh huh uh huh
If you leave me Mao, you'll take away the biggest Sartre me
"Mao go! Walk out the Dawkins!"
Mao the West Was Won and Where it Got Us
Mao soon is Mao
Mao Great Thou Sartre
Mao do I live without you?
Where have all the Mao Boys gone?
Milk Mao Blues
Girls A-Mao-d
Play that Foucault Music
Boom Boom Mao
Mao-er of Mao-er
Neil Jared Diamond
Lenin Love With a Girl
Leninterpol
The Divine Comte - National Zizek-spress
Zizek-sy Thing
James Brown - Zizek's Machine
Zizek's Ex
It's Hippocrates Square
Kate Bush-Laclau-dbusting
Heraclite-Busted
The Modern Prince - I Wanna Melt with Hume
I Wanna Be De Man
How Kuhn is Now?
Sonny & Voltaire
Sun Tzu & Cher
Sun Tzu & Voltaire
Gone too Kuhn
Hegel Jude
I can't tell Alain de Botton from the top
Sound Kierkegaarden
Savage Kierkegaarden
Sting (Kierkegordon Matthew Thomas Summer)
Blue Suede Sun Tzu's
Wake up, Little Zhu Xi
Zhu Xi and the Banshees
Zhu Xi Quattro
Quine - Mao I'm Here
Ayer Yeah Yeahs
Fool if you Fichte's Over
I should be so Lukacs
Bloch Party
Phil Collins - Against All Odds (Take a Lukacs Me Now)
The Lukacs Love
Slade - Lukacs Wot u Dun
Quines of the Stone Age - Sick Sick Socrates
Tenacious D - Rock your Socrates
King Missile - Socks(rates)
Jenny from the Bloch
Super Furry Animals - White Socrates/Flip Flops
Elvis Costello - Red Sun Tzu
KC & The Sunshine Ayn Rand - Boogie Sun Tzus
Adam Ant - Goody Two Sun Tzus
KC & The Sun Tzu Ayn Rand
Locke me, I'm a Deist
Bloch me, I'm a Deist
Superfurry Animals - Juxtaposed with Hume
If you tolerate this, your Mill-dren will be next
From Despair to Weber
Nowhere Schachtmann
Schachtmanfred Mann
Bringing Zizek Back
Nowhere De Man
Ellenin Rigby
Russelleanor Rigby
Eleanor Marx Rigby
From Despair Buber
Chet Frege
Dave Matthews Ayn Rand - The Frege
Led Zeppelin - Ayer Frege (d'yer Maker)
Led Zep-Lenin
Kula Frege
Wittgenstein is Running Out
Quine is Running Out
Out of Quine
Muse - Sun Tzuborn
Muse - Sun Tzuburn
Here Comes the Sun Tzu
Sun Tzu, Bloody Sun Tzu
Seasons in the Sun Tzu
Don't Let the Sun Tzu go down on me
Iggy Popper - Perverts in the Sun Tzu
The Kinks - Sun Tzu Afternoon
Sun Tzu after Hume
You Are My Sun Tzu
Sun Tzu is Shining
Black Hole Sun Tzu
House of the Rising Sun Tzu
Walking on Sun Tzu
Sex Pistols - Holidays in the Sun Tzu
Zizek Pistols
You are the Sun Tzu of my life
You Kant always get what you want
White Zombie - Black Sun Tzu
Sun Tzu has got his hat on
New Order - Confucius
Bill Withers - Ain't no Sun Tzu
Good Day, Sun Tzu
Super Furry Animals - Hello Sun Tzu
RATM - People of the Sun Tzu
Sun Tzu, Lollipops and Ranbows
Nivana - Jesus Don't Want me for a Sun Tzu
The Age of Aquarius (let the Sun Tzu in)
The Eagles - Tequila Sun Tzu
Pink Floyd - Two Suns in the Sun Tzu
Easy Like Sun Tzu Morning
Len(in) - Steal my Sun Tzu
Don't Look Back into the Sun Tzu
Bring me Sun Tzu
Metallica - Enter Sand-De Man
Quine Jung Cannibals
Russell-vis Presley
Russell-vis Costello
Faith no More - Land of Sun Tzu
Genesis - Land of Confucius
Mr Bungle - The Ayer Conditioned NightMary Woolstonecraft
Rob Zombie - Mao to Frege Monster
Mr Bungle - Everyone I went to High School with is Derrida
Johnny Lukacs - Lenin the Kierkegaarden
Afro De Man - Because I got Heidegger
Cypress Mill - I want to get Heigegger
Cypress Mill - Dr GreenthUmberto Eco
Smells Like Teen Spinoza
M - Popper Muzik
Popper goes the Weasel
Bacon Breaky Hardt
Peggy Zhu Xi
British St Francis of Asisi Power
Two St Francis of Asisi Suns in the Sun Tzu
Alice in Chains - St Francis of Asisi of Sorrow
Beatles - St Francis of Asisi of Time
Beatles - St Francis of Asisi of Holes
Beatles - St Francis of Asisi of Monsters
Boredoms - St Francis of Asisi Drum
Sonic Youth - The Diamond St Francis of Asisi
The Leibniz Family
Belle & Sebastian - Ease your feet into St Francis of Asisi
I like to be, under St Francis of Asisi, in an Octopus's Kierkegaarden in the Shade
The Cure - Edge of the Deep Green St Francis of Asisi
Black Sabbath - Children of St Francis of Asisi
The Horrors - St Francis of Asisi within a sea
Serge Gainsbourg - St Francis of Asisi, Zizek and Sun Tzu
Kaiser Chiefs - De Man-gry Hobbes
Rocket De Man
REM - I am Super De Man
Lamb of Gottlob Frege
Hey, Mr Tambourine De Man
Metallica - Enter Ayn Rand Man
Hereclite-Kyuss
The Feelgood Hit of the Sun Tzu
Super Furry Animals - The Nietzsche
Elton John - Nietzsche I need Hume
Travis - Writing to Nietzsche
The Nietzsches (Features)
Ayerosmith
When De Man Loves a Woman
Pleased to Nietzsche
Avenged Sevenfold - Bacon the Fallen
Bacon up Before you Go Go
Quine of the Damned - For Bacon
Bacon Care of Business
Bacon Back Sun Tzu (Taking Back Sunday)
3 Colours Red - Popper Girl
Bob Dylan - Popper Kettle
The Carpenters - Popper the World
50 Cent - Window Popper
The Style Count of St Germain
Fanon the Moon
De Man on the Moon
Mr Bungle - Mary Woolstonecraft go Bye Bye
Mr Bungle - Girls of Adorno
Adorno of a Broken Man
Adorno to be Wild
Adorno in the USA
Adorno to Run
Calvin Aristotle - "I've Gottlob Frege for Hume, if you Adorno the 80s"
Jimmy Crack Adorno
Tony Orlando Adorno
Adorno-mower Deth
Bob Dylan - Only Adorno Their Game
Adorno for Pyros
Smashing Pumpkins - Adorno
The Adorno! Team
Rammstein - Feuerbach Frei
Rammstein - Engels
"Adorno no Adorno no no there's no limits"
Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Adorno
Van Morris-Sun Tzu
Jim Morris-Sun Tzu
Ace of Bacon - I saw the Quine
Buber Furry Animals
Quine Jung Fanonbals
Captain Beefhardt and the Magic Ayn Rand
Aquinas - Buber Girl
Meat Loaf - Out of the Frying Pan (and into the Feuerbach)
REM - I am Buberman
Locke Party
Ian Drury and the Lockeheads
Ian Drury and the Blochheads
It's Arendt of the World as we Know it (and I feel Quine)
Street Fichte Man
Street Fighting De Man
Radio Frege Europe
Frege Nelson Mandela
God Save the Quine
Huxley Nelson Mandela
Free Nelson De Mandela
"(Thomas) More More More! Mao do you like it? Mao do you like it?"
Pet Shop Boys - West Arendt Girls
Hadornoway
Adorno and the Ants
I want to break Frege
Emma Sun Tzu, Lake and Palmer
Barry Fanonlow
Tony Cliff Richard
Jimmy Tony Cliff
We Have all the Quine in the World
Red Red Quine
Suzanne Vega - Tom's Quiner
The Girl is Quine
Quine Inch Nails
Patsy Quine
The Serge-ers
Mr Bungle - Desert Serge for Techno Allah
Hume2 - Still Arendt Found What I'm Looking For
Mr Bungle - Carry Stress in the Shaw
Fantomas - Good Morning Slavoj
Slavoj to the Rhythm
Sepultura - Slavoj of Pain
Bob Marley - Slavoj Driver
Napalm Death - Quine waits for no Slavoj
ThomasMorek (Tomahawk)
Why, Why, Why, DeLeibniz?
Bloch Betty
Ayer Supply
Marilyn De Manson
De Mansun
Mansun Tzu
Billie Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Marky Marx
Buber Furry Animals - De Man Loves Pauline
Ralph Milibandy Warhols
The Glenn Miliband
Weber This City (on Socrates and Roland Barthes)
Bullet for my Valentine - Bacon the De Man
Robbie Williams - I'm Loving Engels Instead
Papa Roach - Between Engels and Insects
Michael Jackson - Speed De Man
Slayer - Engels of Death
Eurythmics - There Must be an Engels
Gorillaz - De Man Days
De Man Hunter
The Killers - A White De Man Love Song
Earth Engels
Steelheart - I'll never let Hume go (Engels eyes)
Willie Nelson - Seven Spanish Engels
Hume2 - If God Will Send his Engels
ABBA - I Believe in Engels
Engels Eyes
Faith No (Thomas) More - Engelsdust
Velvet Underground - Black Engels Death Song
Kollontai Just Don't Know What to Derrida Myself
Alabama - Engels Amongst Us
Hume2 - Engels of Harlem
Black Crowes - She Talks to Engels
Bakunin Crowes
Scorpions - Send me an Engels
Bloc Sartre
Sartre Garfunkel
Peggy Sun Tzu
De Man Don't Give a Foucault
Bakhtin Black
Bakunin the USSR
The Locke of Love
British Sea Bauer
Back in Bloch
Bloch Crows
Bloch Sabbath
Bob Marley - (Walter) BenJammin'
Gerry & The Pace Machiavelli
De Man La Soul
Deee Man-Lite - Groove is in the Hardt
Gerry and the PaceFreges
I Love Locke & Roll (so put another dime in the Juke Bloch Baby)
Been a Sun Tzu
Sun Tzu of My Father

If you made it through that then you deserve a reward. Here it is:

You read it - You can't unread it.